NOCO Jump Starters

Noco Genius G750

It doesn’t take a genius…

Ha, wow! I’m so not funny. Look at me, trying to write about car jump starters for a review of the one I just bought like I’m funny, when… I’m not. Funny. I’m, seriously not funny, not at all… but this thing, this little Genius from NOCO, or whatever (is it the UltraSafe, or is that just a fancy… y’know what, nevermind). This thing… well, it’s not funny either, but let’s face it: neither is a situation where you need to have your car jumpstarted. For anybody who lives outside the magical realm of public transportation, who relies upon their vehicle to get to and from work or school on a daily basis, or who just simply enjoys cruising around and “seeing the sights” (“Look! A building! Oooh…”) there are few situations more panic-inducing than that of having your car suddenly break down and refuse to turn over. You know you’ve got enough gas in the tank…

… It must be something serious…

… It’s like a scene from a horror movie, or else the whole movie all wrapped up into a neat little package (a package that, presently, won’t start) because the part where a monster comes out and eats you while you’re trying to get your car started isn’t even necessary. There are no monsters. The monster is your car not starting, and that’s bad enough. Just imagine… you’re in a strange place. It would probably take you at least fifteen minutes to walk home… yeah, there I go, trying to be funny again, but it’s actually a serious situation. Fifteen minutes from home could be the other side of the Moon as far as our everyday experiences are concerned… and what about your car? Who knows what might happen to poor Betsy if you left her all alone, by herself…

… You’ll wake up in a cold sweat later that night, wondering if you locked her doors…

This little baby is your white knight in that uncomfortable situation. The NOCO Genius is a smart battery charger, which means it uses just the right amount of power to jump-start and charge up a wide variety of battery-operated devices. Anything from your car, to your speedboat (don’t feel bad, I don’t have one of those either) to your motorcycle (that I have!) to your lawnmower (mine’s a pusher…) can be charged with the use of the NOCO Genius.

Almost unique among the car jump starters that I’ve noticed so far in my vast amount of research (30 minutes before I bought my NOCO), the Genius can actually stay attached to a particular device 24/7. It’s not like you need to pull it out, pop the hood, and get all greased up in the heat of the moment when you need to use it… or do you? No, you don’t, it’s really not that strenuous, and the product honestly works.

The technical stuff… um, right! This car jump starter is lightweight and portable, resilient, and compact. It features LED lights which apparently provide detailed technical information despite being, y’know, just lights (I should read the rest of the manual). It’s waterproof, tamper-resistant, impact-resistant, fire-resistant, corrosion-resistant, and it presumably has some sort of built-in defense against giant mutant lizards, although… shoot.

We’ll probably never know.

Review of Noco Boost GB30

Never be left out in the cold again!

This little gem of a car jump starter has saved my butt more than once, which is probably an embarrassing thing to admit… but I believe in giving credit where credit is due, and it’s definitely due here. This lightweight and extremely portable unit is quick and easy to use, and it has come in handy on no less than three winter nights when my old Chevy decided to conk out on me… long after I should have had the car looked at, and probably replaced (it has a certain sentimental value, though… and yes, I do say that in the present tense, as it’s still with me).

Through some sort of technology that I honesty don’t understand, the device is advertised as “foolproof.” Okay. I haven’t shocked myself yet; in that department, that’s all I can speak to. Besides supposedly being all but impossible to electrocute yourself with the thing short of serious deliberate action, however, it’s extremely portable, lightweight, and easy to carry. It’s also very durable. It holds enough charge to jump start your car up to 20 times before needing to be recharged itself — which from my point of view is a very good feature in a car jump starter, as I’m always forgetting to recharge my devices. It’s nice to know that I probably still have a few uses left in the thing at any given time!

Speaking of “forgetting to recharge my devices,” the NOCO Genius Boost GB30… whatever the full name is; it can safely charge everyday personal electronics, such as cellphones, smartphones, and laptops. It’ll even recharge the new smartwatch from Apple (whatever that is called; I don’t have one of those, but it seemed worth mentioning!) and, should you break down to where you need help, it has a variety of flashing light signals through its ultra-bright LEDs including “SOS” and an emergency strobe.

All in all, an excellent product, well worth a hundred bucks, give or take. I wouldn’t leave home without NOCO’s amazing smart car jump starter. Even if I wasn’t taking my car! Because… y’know, my other devices…

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